Digital Sounds
“Entertainment Professionals”
Selecting Your Wedding Music

The Challenge
He's a little bit country, she's a little bit rock 'n roll.
Mom's big on Sinatra, but she married the original doo-wop daddy.
The aunts and uncles prefer polkas, chicken dances and similarly embarrassing spectacles.
And then there are the friends from college...Woah!
Nelly says "It's Getting Hot In Here"

How do you select wedding reception music that fits everybody? It's an intimidating question, since entertainment plays a key role in the success of a wedding reception. Years from now, your wedding reception guests will remember few details of your reception, but they'll certainly recall whether they danced, laughed and enjoyed themselves. The entertainment is the make-or-break factor in producing a memorable special occasion.
After 20 years of producing wedding receptions, I've found that there are very few rules that apply to all wedding receptions. Each assembly of guests takes on a distinct personality. Forecasting a group's hot buttons is more art and experience than science, but I can offer some time-tested guidelines.

Sure. In fact, I do it at least a few times each weekend, using a simple and effective technique I call the "slow transition."

After dinner music (good choices: soft rock, jazz or classical), I'll begin the dancing portion of the wedding reception with a mix of more romantic songs, leaning more toward the big band and 50's crooners. As the evening progresses and people get more enthusiastic, I build toward a more uptempo, contemporary mix. That's not to say that there's no variety of fast/slow, old/new during the transition, but to say that the mood of the music matches that of the crowd; subtly evolving from mellow to more exciting. Cake has a sedative effect on silver hair and some of your guest will leave early in the evening.

With a smooth transition, you'll be surprised at how well "the old folks" adapt to the new stuff (I once saw an 85-year-old man Doin' Da Butt in his walker).

Artfully staged, nobody really notices the evolution in progress. Each guest, however, will recall that they "played my type of music."

The Special Songs in the Mix
There are some song titles that you'll specify by name to your entertainment provider. These "special songs" include your bride & groom first dance, father/bride dance, mother/son dance, wedding party dance, cake cutting, departure dance, and others, depending upon which traditional agenda items you include in your reception.

We've posted a list of the most popular wedding songs on our web site for your review. While these songs are popular, no such list is all-inclusive. I will try and provide any special song needed or you can provide it.

Often, what makes a song special is the memory associated with it. A great bride & groom first-dance song might be the one that played on the car radio during the couple's first date. The father/bride dance could be performed to the song dad sang when he tucked in a five-year-old future bride. Even if the meaning is lost on the rest of the group, a special moment forms on the dancefloor. And that is apparent to the guests.

For true sentimentality, there are several songs intended specifically for such events as father/bride and mother/groom dance songs. Bob Carlisle's Butterfly Kisses has become a wedding reception standard, and his Father's Love explores an even deeper emotional bond. Specialty artists Mikki Viereck have composed wonderfully sentimental ballads for such occasions.

One caution that can be offered regarding special songs is to consider the true lyrical content of the song before committing to it. For years, Olivia Newton John's I Honestly Love You was a favorite wedding choice, despite the fact that its subject matter involves the conclusion of an extramarital affair. Whitney Houston's I Will Always Love You is also a break-up song, as is Garth Brooks' The Dance. They're all heart-touching ballads, but just don't offer themselves to the true spirit of a first dance as husband and wife.

How Much Music Do You Need to Select
Aside from your special songs, it's important for you to work with me to set a tone for your wedding. There are likely to be songs that you definitely do or don't want to have included in your reception.

I reserve the right not to play certain songs because I have a reputation to maintain.
(eg: Strokin, Thong Song, Back That Thing Up) There are just too many wonderful songs to have to subject your guest to this!

I will work with you to produce a music program that reflects your preferences, rather than working from a standard playlist which I never use because no two crowds are the same!

Obviously, planning is essential. You should work closely with an entertainment provider whose insights you trust. Together, we can produce an entertainment program that balances your taste and the desires of your audience.

Some flexibility is essential in the planning process. Let's take an extreme (but true) example to illustrate the point.

Susan was a 24-year-old bride-to-be with a strong musical interest. Her tastes ran toward alternative rock, and she was considered an expert on the format. Her wedding reception, she decided, would be pre-planned, song-by-song, to reflect her tastes.

I worked with Susan to gently soften her intractable position regarding the music list, but Susan was the customer, and she invariably rejected each of my suggestions.

Only while setting-up for the wedding reception did I realize something truly bothersome: The reception was being staged far away from Susan's home and friends, and was attended almost exclusively by the groom's family. It was a large gathering of a conservative, old-world family, none of whom was vaguely familiar with alternative rock.

I was almost continuously verbally assaulted by members of the audience for (Susan's) musical selections. Guests began filtering out of the reception a few minutes after dessert was served. Even Susan recognized that the Fugees' Killing Me Softly with This Song would've been more appropriately named Killing My Party with This Song.

With a scant few close family members left in attendance, Susan reluctantly allowed me to take requests. A few people finally brushed the top layer of dust from the dancefloor, just as the banquet staff began removing tablecloths.

Agreed, the above is an extreme example of how a wedding reception can be "over-produced." But in lesser forms, it's common for us to see a lopsided balance between host preferences and guest expectations.

Let's go back to the original question: How much music do you need to select?

From a purely chronological standpoint, somewhere between 50 and 60 songs will fit into a four-hour wedding reception.

But chronology fails to consider the most important issue you face as a wedding planner:

How much of the wedding reception are you willing to give to your guests?

Frequently... very frequently, in fact... we're told not to play The Electric Slide, The Macarena, the Chicken Dance, etc.

Such exclusions are quite understandable, since those songs are so overplayed that they audibly illustrate the word "trite." I'm tired of them too!

It's also understandable that many guests will want to dance to those songs. They expect them to be played.

But you can prohibit them. It's important for you to decide how much of your wedding reception you're willing to concede to guest expectations.

An associated issue is how much you trust "ME" your entertainment provider to gauge the crowd reaction and adapt the program to their tastes. I am a skilled DJ with over 23 years experience of reading a crowd. I will be able to select music that motivates the crowd without turning a classy affair into a truck pull.

For that reason, you need to work closely with me to share a common vision "ENTERTAIN THE PEOPLE" my only goal!

It's wise to consider your preferences, your guests' expectations and my insights to produce an entertainment program that makes your reception a memorable event.

Choose wisely, and best wishes.

DJ - Keith Henderson
Burlington, North Carolina
Phone (336) 229-1182
e-mail address: KeithTheDJ@bellsouth.net